"I'm sorry to announce that the 8.08..."

It's ok. It will all be better in the end. The evening and weekend closures on the line are, ultimately, worthwhile – for we will have a brand new world class metro style Thameslink running through Streatham. Fantastic.

Except it won't be worthwhile. In an incredible stroke of luck, Streatham gets shafted again. The bit of Thameslink that serves us is broadly comparable to a rotting limb and it seems that Network Rail and the ever popular First Capital Connect can't wait to sever it and throw it away into the ashtray of broken transport promises. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the Wimbledon Loop.

Not much is certain about the Wimbledon Loop. There has to be a public consultation before they cut it off Thameslink. But you must wonder what the point in consultation is when Network Rail have announced that it would be operationally impossible to run Wimbledon Loop trains past Blackfriars after 2015. That is because our little old Wimbledon Loop trains might get in the way of the shiny new 12 carriage trains that will be running 24 times an hour from sunny old Kent through London. I should mention, although I'm sure you've already guessed, that we won't be getting 12 carraige trains either.

Sounds like a like it or lump it kind of consultation really. To summarise – we get no trains in the weekend or evenings for 6 years, after which time they just cut the service off anyway. Um, cheers. The brighter side of the coin is that we could have another connection to London Bridge instead. Brilliant. I have many sleepless nights wondering how I would get to London Bridge if the current three Streatham rail services and the bus that also serves London Bridge were to be simultaniously suspended. (This has happened actually. It was the weathers fault. The wrong kind of snow. And when First Capital Connect washed the train doors before they froze shut and wouldn't open again for three weeks. That was a laugh).

I would say it is now a wholly appropriate time to get really bloody angry about this. The people over at Herne Hill forum are. Have a read of this thread. 

I'm not even sure why I care so much. I don't even use the train. I cycle, and to be honest there is a lot more to get wound up about when trundling along the potholes in the gutter through the evergreen roadworks of Streatham High Road and Streatham Hill. But that is for another time. I care about the trains because I honestly believe that transport connections, particularly in London, are directly proportional to the perception of an area's fortune. The holy grail of course, is inclusion in 'the tube map' (*gets goosebumps*). And as unbelievably remote a possibility as that seems (Chuka has gone awfully quiet about his tube campaign), there is a simple way. Tfl should take over the Thameslink and incorporate it into London Overground. Or just the Wimbledon Loop. Then we truly would be laughing all the way to the journey planner. For true transport and Streatham geeks, you can get excited over this map of 'what might have happened' had Ken stayed as major and we were all stinking rich and laughing into our derivatives. Streatham is on the map. Enjoy it. We could have got to Croydon SO easily. On a tram! Except we don't want to go to Croydon do we people. We just want to get past Blackfriars. On a weekend. Goodnight.

Gentrification?

I went to the launch of the Manor Arms. Me and everyone else in Streatham (or, I  secretly suspect, certain people in hunting jackets who may or may not have been imported from Hampstead for the evening.) The lovely assistant manager gave us a friendly greeting at the door. She was enthusiastic about the possibilities for the area. “They say it’s the next Balham or Clapham”. Oh do ‘they’. Well, ‘they’ have been saying that for the last 10 years.  ‘They’ also say we’re next for a tube expansion. ‘They’ are invariably estate agents or new arrivals to the ‘hood. I didn’t want to piss on her bonfire, but one has to correct people sometimes. She wasn’t from round here, you see.

Anyway, this isn’t a review of the Manor Arms. There are many of them and there will be many more to come, I’m sure. Nothing gets Time Out to SW16 like a £21 steak. For the record, the place looks great. Lets see how they get on. My job is simply to rant about gentrification.

Gentrification. It’s a loaded word. There was a time not so long ago when I was well up for it, but now I’m not so sure. I even thought the arrival of Foxtons was a good thing for the area. Before I panicked about house prices. I don’t own a house you see. But I do have frightfully middle class ambitions for life. What does gentrification mean? If it means that places like the White Lion can’t exist, or that independent restaurants and bars can’t start up because Strada and All Bar One are willing to pay higher rents, then we need to resist it with gusto.

What would really be a good thing for Streatham would not be so much gentrification, but bohemisation. Which is a fairly crap word, I admit.  What I mean is that small independent business serving local needs need to be able to thrive. We’ve avoided Starbucks, but for how long? I find it incredibly depressing that Café Nero is often so busy that people can’t get a seat. Coffee shops were one thing we already had. Loads of them. Good ones too, independent ones. Where every pound spent was spent supporting local businesses. And we have some truly lovely independent business. Earl Grey and Rose. Fish Tale. The Hamlet, and many more.

There are several reasons why Streatham will never be the next Clapham or Balham. 1. Streatham already had its hey day. Lightening doesn’t hit the same place twice (maybe). 2. The tube (or lack of it). 3. The shape. Long and thin and choked with traffic. If anyone’s got some bright ideas for sorting that out then speak up and speak loud. And finally, the biggest reason: 4. I don’t think people want it to be. This is quite simply the least pretentious place in London, and it’s all the better for it.

Anyway, I’m in the Manor Arms now, I admit. I’m a complete and utter phoney. I think driving is bad. I drive. I think gentrification is bad. I go to gastropubs. But I don’t think I need to worry about gentrification just yet. I just looked out of the window. Streatham has some way to go yet.

[insert generic St. Reatham joke]

It's a public sector party round Tesco's house

It's been well documented. In a planning meeting earlier this month, Lambeth Council did what it does best, held a consultation and then brought through exactly the measures it wanted to in the first place. After everyone objected. Tiny bit of background: Streatham has ice rink and swimming pool, Tesco buys ice rink and swimming pool promising brand new replacements, Tesco lets swimming pool collapse, Tesco decides Streatham doesn’t need ice rink for 3 years, Lambeth and Tesco pat themselves on back for a job jolly well done.

Have a listen to this excellent podcast of the meeting by Mark Oxley on Streatham Pulse. Yes, it’s 53 minutes. But at least it aint seven hours.

Sounds like a lot of anger and emotion in that room. It really brings home what a complete sham this whole sorry situation is. Lambeth and Tesco should be ashamed of themselves. But Lambeth should be ashamed more, because they exist to serve the residents of the borough, and Tesco - well they are a supermarket who exist to provide good returns to their shareholders.

Although I have only lived in Streatham for a relatively short while, I felt the anger of the people at the meeting while listening to this podcast. Because whichever way you look at it, it is a complete joke that people can be made such a mockery of, those same people who fought so hard to get the Section 106 in the first place. That same Section 106 that has been amended, seemingly against the will of pretty much everybody.

If you can amend a Section 106 so easily, then may I ask, what is the bloody point. Personally, I'm in the 'get on and build it' camp. I would have taken a temporary ice rink on the common. Because you don't need to be the wildest conspiracy theorist in the west to realise that there is a teeny weeny little chance that Tesco might just not build the hub after the rink in Brixton has been built. But not before they've raised our rink to the ground. After all, whatever reassurances and guarantees are in place, we've seen how easy it is to amend these 'guarantees'. Which are, to be completely honest, total bollocks.

I'm holding some hope that this will happen. But Lambeth have no spine, and you may have noticed, no cash. Tesco have no spine, but they have got loads of cash. Guess who will win this battle. For a clue, go check out Streatham swimming pool some time.

To finish off, I would like to voice a little bit of resent at the 'it's not good for Brixton’ crowd, who can be heard heckling Sally Prentice after her somewhat controversial ‘bring on more Starbucks’ speech. There are lots of reasons why these amendments should be opposed. There are lots of reasons why Sally Prentice is a twat. But please don’t play the ‘It’s not good for Brixton’ card. Brixton, you have done rather well out of Lambeth over the past few years. Streatham hasn’t. I feel bad for your car park. But quite honestly, we need more than a car park. We need some love.